Living with and observing M has led to some conclusions about cats as house pets. Like I said, M is dumb, really dumb. Short of hundreds of dollars for pain inflicting shock mats to cover all kitchen counter space, claw removal surgery to save furniture and carpets not already destroyed, eviction or moving target practice would be the best options ‘cuz she’s clearly too stupid to be taught anything.

Yep, I’m sounding like an outright cat hater and that’s not true. But when excess efforts and expenses have been used to teach a critter where it should not go (kitchen counters, table and such) and what it shouldn’t use for clawing to no avail Curmudgeon cops an attitude.

So what’s my thing about a cat jumping onto kitchen counters? M uses one of the litter boxes, kicks litter over her deposit with her paws (front, rear or both), wanders into the kitchen and navigates every above the floor kitchen space including the table and range top. Then I decide to make a sandwich. First, what to do? Scrub down and disinfect every food preparation surface every time before making food? If not you might as well just go to the litter box and scoop out what the cat deposits there and chow down!

Yum!

Kitty cookies anyone?

Exactly when this was originally published or where “realityzone” copied it from I do not know but obviously it wasn’t long after Hurricane Katrina. The major change since then is how much government wastefulness has escalated.

$1,000,000,000
The next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think of this: A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, But one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of it’s releases:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were in the Stone Age.
A billion days ago nothing walked on the Earth on two feet.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate the U.S. government Is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let’s take a look at New Orleans. Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans. What does it mean?

Well…If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman and child), You each get $516,528. Or…If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787. Or… If you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012. Washington, D.C., HELLO! Are all your calculators broken??

Building Permit Tax, CDL License Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA), Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel Permit Tax, Gasoline Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax, Inventory Tax, IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge Tax, Social Security Tax, Road Usage Tax (Truckers), Sales Tax, Recreational Vehicle Tax, School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone Federal Excise Tax, Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax, Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax, Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax, Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax, Telephone State and Local Tax, Telephone Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft Registration Tax, Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax. (And to think, Americans left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago…And our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt. We had the largest middle class in the world. And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell: ‘POLITICIANS’ ?

It was a long time ago (that should be obvious to the most casual observer) and the Maya had grown to a sprawling empire heavily engaged in commerce and trying very hard to feed their masses. When you are part of a society in decline and it’s getting harder to get an omelet at the local hole in the wall diner does it matter to you if the calendar only goes several thousand years into the future? Just a wild guess here folks but I’m thinking probably not. Can you imagine a lot of Maya thinking “OK all you government politicians, let’s shut down a bunch of less needed bureaucracies”? And the politicians saying “name one”. Response, “how about the bureau of calendar development ‘cuz they’ve got it worked out a long time into the future and if we disappear as a culture it’ll all be rhetorical anyway”.

If back then you were a member of the “bureau of calendar development” and your team got so far as 2012, you would have reason to be really proud. But when the department gets shut down because of budget cuts, well guess what – that’s when the calendar stops.

Bet they didn’t have unemployment back then and I suspect none of the “bureau of calendar development” guys were willing to continue adding to the calendar for the sheer pleasure of it. And in spite of whatever efforts Mayan society as a whole made, it’s obvious they didn’t quite succeed.

So that’s my take. The calendar stops during 2012 because that’s as far as they got before Mayan civilization as they came to recognize it ceased.

But I gotta wonder if someone provided the Maya with a calendar that told when their empire would cease? Possibly people from the sky?

ET phone home!

Here we are at day three working on four of the new year and the biggest event of the year thus far was the “no pain migraine” I experienced early this afternoon. Yeah I know it sounds contradictory but they exist. I’m not the person to explain them but any search engine will provide plenty of stuff to explore and learn from.

My particular type is entirely visual and usually starts in my peripheral field of vision. Imagine looking down into the snake pit in whichever Indiana Jones movie it was and all the writhing snakes are at the edges of your field of vision. Yes, it is kinda weird but I’ve experienced them long as I remember and learned what they are only a few years back. Depending on severity they can close in on the field of vision and sometimes even produce colors. When at that level they can be quite distracting, in other words driving and the like may not be advisable.

Today was nothing close to that. It was about 15 minutes in duration, entirely in the right eye and went almost unnoticed. I was sitting at the computer playing a game of 500 Rummy and mistook a Jack for a Queen when I realized it was happening. I sat back with eyes closed for a few minutes and let the mind wander. That did it. The rest of the Rummy game was played with a vengeance and Bilbo (the computer opponent) was once again humiliated.

Then there was the rest of the afternoon excitement. New Years Day we wandered into the local Harbor Freight store with 25% off coupon in hand and Janice latched onto an amazing buy on a 6X8 foot greenhouse. Since it ain’t getting assembled until sometime in March it made sense to open the box and inventory everything against the parts list. Just in case. No missing pieces.

Y’know – sometimes a “no pain migraine” doesn’t seem all that bad.

If you live pretty much anywhere on the North American continent you should be able to hear it. Shhh! Listen carefully. Hear it? If it’s not the sound of my arteries slamming shut after our Christmas dinner then it’s someone else. A couple years ago Janice wanted to keep the number of participants small and go for non-traditional fare. This Christmas it was baked potatoes done the way mom used to (no foil), Brussels sprouts, dinner rolls, scallops fried in garlic butter and lobster tails. It goes without saying we used only real butter. If I don’t have a gout attack by morning it will be a miracle.

Oh my good grief, I’m sitting at the computer, cup of coffee to my left and my head sending emergency requests to my stomach asking for a bit of blood flow so I can maintain consciousness. Feels like the tummy may be winning.

That felt like a pretty good start to wishing everyone a most wonderful Christmas. First thing was Da Brudda stopped over with his dog Gizmo. If you look up “distraction” in the dictionary you could easily see a picture of Gizmo ‘cuz I’m not sure what wears him down or mellows him out. They were here for only a few enjoyable hours but no writing happened. By the time they left the sinuses were throbbing and fever was kicking my um, well err y’know what I mean.

Can there possibly be a more inopportune time to deal with sinus pressure, fever and generally feeling like something you step in when visiting the dog park? Christmas weekend of all times. There’s the option of toughing it out, getting antibiotics in the emergency room or Urgent Care Clinic and still being in low gear for a couple days ‘cuz they won’t kick in. Toughing it out, good as any choice. After all, my antibiotic tolerance is high enough already so let the body fight its own battle if possible. Ibuprofen, long afternoon naps, whining and complaining to anyone willing to listen and sympathize, a nice round number so far.

So here it is, Tuesday night, pressure moved from right to left side of the face but not as bad. I actually devoted a couple hours to project stuff today. I’m thinking most of the stuff on the bottom of my shoe is scraped off, if you know what I mean. In a couple more days all will be better or I’ll have a Dr. appointment.

Please accept my belated Merry Christmas. Intentions were good but circumstances got in the way. This household received gifts far beyond material things this year as we decided to do a while ago. Our rule is no more than a $10 gift (OK we fudge a little but not much). Y’know it couldn’t get better than finding the 4 DVD set of the original “Fall and rise of Reginald Perrin” in your stocking.

Oh by the way Santa: more coal? What’s up with that anyway?

Is being miserably cold while all sweated up a prime example of an oxymoron? It’s one of the best I can come up with. Truth is from my point of view I’m just too old to walk behind a snow blower huffing and puffing, freezing and sweating – and increasing Ibuprofen use. It came down to three options: 1 – Contract with someone (cost $500-$1000 for the season). Not if I can help it. 2 – Find a front mount snow blower for the old Craftsman lawn tractor. It’s an old lawn tractor and a little under powered. 3 – Find a suitable snow plow blade and mount it to the tractor. And who knows, after clearing snow all winter it might could be used for moving dirt, sand and gravel in warmer weather.

Number three it was. Craigslist sometimes has almost what you are looking for and that’s what happened. Murray manufactured our particular Craftsman lawn tractor and someone was offering a snow plow assembly for Murray lawn tractors. It was close but not exactly a bolt on and go. That’s why I said “almost what you are looking for”. When doing this kind of project it is nice to have a small engine lathe and drilling/milling machine ‘cuz fabricating is much easier than when you have only hand tools. Fabricating alternate parts can be a good feeling when everything works as needed.

The ground is a little on the hard side now but some experimenting proved the blade will work for landscaping and grading come warmer weather. Although pleased with the acquisition and having a fully functional snow plow mounted, there is a dilemma: no snow. Am I complaining? Hardly!

That’s right folks, blame Murphy. Once the blade was all mounted and ready to move snow the poor guy went into damaged ego mode. And to pay me back for that he’s delaying snow as long as he can. Plus a friend of the folks next door just bought a snowmobile and seriously wants to play with it. Bet that did nothing to put poor Murphy in a better mood.

To all a merry Brown Christmas and happy Brown New Year, and to all: think spring!

I love the sentiment surrounding Thanksgiving. All too many have become so wrapped up in either wallowing in their victim-hood or trying to right every perceived wrong that they’ve lost sight of those things to be thankful for.

Among those I’m most grateful for are family and friends we feasted with, the pleasure of being alive and feeling great in spite of health issues and not being among those enduring frost bite to be early in line. Early in line for what? To get maced? Really? And as a reward there’s an outside chance of getting that “amazing loss leader” bargain? Nope – not for me!

I ain’t doing that, or as a conversation in the local Harbor Freight store went a couple days before “Black Friday”: Think I’ll just curl up with a cold case of beer and avoid the crowds. Mostly I’ve been doing my best to avoid the crowds since. Up to now I’d say the skill displayed avoiding frenzied shopping should rank me up with professionals.

One prediction and a couple questions have arisen and it seems so right that they be aired now during the week immediately before Christmas.

Prediction: I’m 64 years of age with health stuff that casts doubts over my life goal of dying at 150. Longevity aside I predict the Friday prior to Thanksgiving Thursday will be earmarked “Black Friday” before I assume ground temperature.

Questions:

When will it no longer be “Black Friday” and become “Black blitz on your credit cards” season?

Why isn’t the NAACP offended?

Curmudgeon and PC don’t mix well, unless PC means “Personal Computer”.

I got banned from Santa’s lap when I told him we don’t heat with coal and asked if he could put Xcel energy vouchers in my stocking instead. Guess he really does know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Dang!

“BREAKING NEWS: » 47-year-old patriot discovers “weird” trick to end slavery to the electricity monopoly. Discover the underground kit he used to slash his power bill by 75% in less than 30 days… before they shut him down. >>Click here to watch the shocking video now”

Considering the affiliate link made its way to my “in box” by way of a political news website I’m not at all surprised this person was referred to as a patriot. It probably wouldn’t have come across quite as well had it said “47-year old anarchist” or “47-year old traitor”. This particular site can be described as being Pro-business so I found it amusing they portray electric producers as slave owners.

Yes, I did watch the “shocking video”. Video? Well more like a power point text presentation synched with someone reading the same words. I mean really, that’s a video? And the sky is orange. The guy claims he spent about $200 to provide his home with electricity from solar and wind, then connected it into the power grid of his local electric utility and now sells power back to them. Bet you can finish this sentence: If it sounds too good to be true.

Or how about this one:

“Have You Heard About The Gluten Shocker?”

Golly, gosh, gee – I’m sixty something (at my advanced years I sometimes lose track of the something part) and I’m willing to bet that over half of my life I’ve known gluten has an adverse effect on some percentage of people. Oops! Maybe I shoulda followed the link and learned about the Gluten Shocker. Is it possible it’s a kind of electrical shock device (similar to a cattle prod) for use on gluten and using it makes gluten OK for everyone? I’ll bet that’s what it is. Sure, that’s gotta be it.

Or try this one on for size:

“—>>> Get This Shocking Free Report “The Marine Miracle” Why Marine Species Live 200 Years And Now You Can Steal Their Secret!”

A little information here folks. There are a lot of marine species and precious few see their 200^th birthday. Bet those are birthday parties to remember.

“Now you can steal their secret!” I wonder how negotiations with those marine species ended up with their secret being stolen. And If I buy from these people offering the marine species secret does it make me guilty of receiving stolen goods?

I can’t resist it: there’s something fishy here!

One final for this post:

“The Blood Sugar Shocker!”

Hmmm!

I’ll not lay claim to closely examining each of the above ads but one thing I’ve found – when there is the claim of a “shocker”, “shocking video”, “shocking report” or any variation thereof I’m consistently disappointed.

Then again how about “>>Click here to watch the disappointing video now” or “—>>> Get This Disappointing Free Report” or “Have You Heard About The Gluten Disappointment?” or “The Blood Sugar Disappointment!”

Now that would be entertaining and utterly shocking!

Anthony, the neighbor immediately to the east hauled a load of branches in and inquired if anyone had a chainsaw. Da Brudda volunteered to use his for the task. Male bonding began.

Can you possibly imagine a more perfect bonding scenario than warm weather, fire pit, branches, chainsaw, beer and testosterone? Only one way it gets better and we had that too: females talking female stuff while watching the back yard bonding in action. Of course they agreed how amusing the whole testosterone driven thing is. Meanwhile they weren’t aware we talked about how amusing they were sitting in the townhouse enjoying their estrogen driven bonding session. Speaking on behalf of males, never underestimate the power of male bonding. The youngest was about 4 (he was drinking root beer) and oldest in his 60′s (that would be me). There was no generation gap (bet you haven’t seen that phrase in a while).

All misbehaving Saturday evenings including this one must come to an end. Mercedes did what you would expect from a growing 10 year old and fell asleep in our bedroom. Heather and Janice shot knowing looks to each other and interjected comments while Jeff, Da Brudda and I indulged and solved the world’s problems. Eventually Heather (designated driver for good reason) decided it was time to take child home to bed and oh yeah, Mercedes too.

One thing about that area of West Fargo, street lights are a precious commodity and functioning ones are even more rare. It took Heather a bit of extra time in the darkness to make sure Mercedes (in zombie mode) was properly buckled in. That task accomplished she was ready to hop into the driver seat – except – where had Jeff gotten off to? Even though too dark to see him she had little trouble figuring out the flowing water sound from behind the vehicle was Jeff contributing to the storm sewer.

Don’t you love when you can assure someone they’ll never hear the end of that kind of thing? It just don’t get any better.

Golly, I sure would like to understand all that script stuff but sure ain’t gonna get proficient at it mostly ‘cuz at this age and condition odds are I’ll reach ground temperature first.  So I count on others to keep hackers away.  And when those proficient at script have this kind of trouble what are my chances?

Seriously, all I, Curmudgeon wants is to wonder onto the streets of Rantsville, greet and commiserate with other residents and share my rantings with anyone willing to listen, challenge or discuss.  Most except for the very shy or reclusive town residents likewise enjoy getting things off their chests so I’m not the town lone ranter.

Self imposed exile seems no more pleasant than any other type of exile so Rantsville will no longer be exiled whether still hacked or not.

As I was writing that “default email bounce backs” were becoming fewer and fewer.  In the last couple hours there were none.  Seems tech support found the offending script and sent it packing.  Thanks Lynnette.

Exile ends, ranting resumes and most everything has a feel of normalcy.  Guess that means Murphy is lurking nearby.